On Infinite Moments & Happiness

There are these moments in my life that I wish I could just freeze and live in forever. These moments where all my senses are in perfect harmony, the sounds, the smells, the sights all coming together in a way that fills me with this sense of never-ending happiness. It is almost indescribable. I love these moments, I call them ‘infinite moments’ and although they are rare, they are perfect in their completeness.

This isn’t to say I am rarely happy. If anything the reverse is true. I truly am a happy person. But these ‘infinite moments’ almost transcend happiness, it is in these moments that I really am “living in the moment” and experiencing all the best parts of life.

One of my favorite ‘infinite moments’ happened in 2001, at the end of my freshman year of university. Some high school friends came up to make the drive home with me, heralding my triumphant return to my parent's house, after successfully navigating a whole 9-months of living on my own – albeit in a dorm room with 3 other girls.

We packed into my blue VW beetle, which was stuffed with dorm remnants, two full-sized college boys and me. We were cruising down 9^th Ave., taking the back roads, when Summer Girls by LFO came on the stereo. Immediately, our windows were down and our voices were being carried through the orchards, creating an anthem of freedom and experience and summer for us. We were grown-ups, driving in our cars, choosing our paths, living our lives. It was amazing. I genuinely remember looking out the window and thinking that this moment, with the radio blasting and the summer air whipping around me, was one I would always remember, one that would live with me forever, one that would be infinite.

Since then, and maybe even before then, I have had more of these moments, although not many. Just a few, scattered throughout 30 years of life. They always seem to have some poignant song that comes on at just the right moment, adding the perfect amount of nostalgia to the present, as it slips away becoming my past.

I had one of these moments just the other day. B asked me to go on a boat ride in the gulf. I was hesitant because as nice as the boat ride is, the set-up and cleanup almost never seems worth it to me. I can totally see why owning a boat is not just simply buying one. But none of this matters to B, all he cares about is the sense of freedom he feels when he is out on the water; the wind, the waves, the hope of catching a fish, seem to make him so much more content then anything else does. So I agreed to go.

We hooked the boat up, drove to the launch and were ready in record time. B handed me the CD player and his phone and told me to choose a song while he primed the engine. When it is just us, I almost always choose a song by Kidrock or Roger Clyne, as those are the anthems of our relationship, and this morning was no different. I scrolled though the music and stopped at the first Kidrock album I saw, Born Free. I hit play and turned the volume up. B hit the throttle and we shot out of the marina. And in that instance I experienced another ‘infinite moment’.

There we were ripping through the waves with Kidrock’s words ripping through the air around us:

Fast, on a rough road riding

High, through the mountains climbing

Twisting, turning further from my home.

Young, like a new moon rising

Fierce, through the rain and lightning

Wandering out into this great unknown.

And I don't want no one to cry, 

But tell 'em if I don't survive:

I was born free! 

It was perfect. B was driving, savoring his sense of freedom and I was beside him savoring mine. We were literally on the other side of the world from our homes, wandering out into the great unknown. Kidrock was speaking to us, about us and if I could have, I would have happily lived in that moment infinitely. But, of course, the song ended, the boat slowed, and life continued. And although it is always sad to say goodbye to something so wonderful, it’s happy too, because the only way I can ever experience my next ‘infinite moment’ is by stepping out of this one.

And I'm not good at long goodbyes, 

But look down deep into my eyes, 

I was born free!

-Kid Rock

xo.